Life as I know it

I believe my marriage is once again coming to an end. My wife once again stated she was not happy and cannot continue as we have. It's only been 3 months since she's returned and she continue to talk to Jeff.

I wish I could so easily walk away and find someone special. She's been my best friend for nearly 14 years and my wife for 7 this June. This week she has requested we sit down and determine how we're going to separate our belongings, care for Kolin and sales our house.

Where do I go from here and how can I accept this loss. In time, I know I will be better but there will always be this emptiness in my heart without her by my side. Would more time heal the wounds between us? So hard to let go. If I ever find love like this again, I hope to hold on and cherish it forever!

Charlin, I love you

I'm feeling a great loss. We are so caught up in financial woes and 'tomorrow' that we seemed to have lost sight of today. I am in great fear of 'tomorrow.' It's seems like it's only a matter of time until she decides to move on and for good. There's very little romance between the two of us even though I try so hard. I deserve better than this. I wish she could love me as much as I love her -- life would be PERFECT!

How does one know when to give up? Said it before but most people would have given up some time ago. If you only knew everything. I'm by no means perfect either but I have shown considerable improvement and made the necessary changes. I need help in so many ways.

Back to work, overwhelmed here too!

The drama in my life is getting the best of me. Yesterday, I registered with a temp service seeking a better career. All the women in the office were quite surprised at my skills. Not to brag but 93wpm, 15643 kph, 100% on their math test and continued 94%+ on all other tests. They haven't had a guy test so high in quite some time. Oh well, it comes naturally --- now give me a great paying job with excellent benefits and I will be happy-er =). I also received some great advice on potty training our son who just turned 3 recently.

Leaving in great spirits, I decided to stop by Charlin's work for a surprise visit. I intended on purchasing 2-dozen roses until I noticed 'his' car in her company's parking lot. I lost it. I became extremely enraged and approached him in the lobby. I held back but did cause a scene. I would like to say it's uncharacteristic of me as I have NEVER had such strong feelings against anyone I've ever known in my life. If I were to release the anger within, I fear for him. I have much to live for and was able to walk away from the situation. I called Charlin from the parking lot and asked why he would be there. Response? He was there to talk to Andrea (her co-worker/friend) about a job at the Natalie Building. BS I say.

I'm not sure what to do at this point in my life. I wish I could just walk away. If it wasn't for Kolin, I would have been gone quite some time ago. It's amazing the affects of infidelity and the statistics of how many people are involved in such a life. Why don't we communicate anymore? Where did our morals go? Wasn't it "...until death do us part?" If your currently marriage, do whatever it takes to make everyday the best you can. If your considering marriage, perhaps write your own vows based on the life & statistics of today's lifestyles.

I pray for God to intervene in our marriage and open the doors of opportunity. We're in dire need of direction. I believe things are going in the right direction for my career. Motivation has arrived and I'm pushing to make improvements like I never have.

To all... God Bless and have a great weekend!

Another weekend of work. We've been working on our house in preparation to sell. I was able to clean the front lawn, hung new wallpaper in the master bathroom, carpets were cleaned and we got our couch / love seat home.

I've been really trying to focUS on our family, marriage and life in general but it's difficult. I pray to God we regain the love we once shared, he strengthen our marriage/family and that we exceed our own expectations. I find it difficult because I give 100% and she's just not 'participating.' I've communicated the issue of helping more around the house and with Kolin and little changes.

If you've kept up with my blog, you'll recognize I'm a very patient person. How can I make her happy? She did mention life is improving recently but I feel as though it's 'stagnant.'

Perhaps it's wrong but I don't want to be blindsided again. Her mom visited us yesterday and I noticed more calls to/from Jeff on her cell phone. I didn't confront either one of them. It's caused me to lose a lot of respect for her mom. I know she wants the best for her daughter and grandson. It makes me wonder just how much of a relationship Jeff and Charlin had and why she's returned. I dealt with the situation by ignoring her. It was hard to sleep last night. I know not to go to bed mad but I didn't feel like bringing up the same issue again. What have we accomplished?

It's time for a bigger home. We've now lived in our current house for 7 years. It's not that we've outgrown it, but the neighborhood just isn't what it used to be. More and more house are become 'rent' houses and the inhabitants are less than clean. Last weekend we were able to install new french doors and paint the living room and hallway. Tonight, I began working on the bathroom. Not going to update much, painting the ceiling, new wallpaper and recaulk. Ok, new blinds and a new sink too. So much to do -- we need a great handyman. Although I'm quite handy, not too much of a carpenter and it takes me FOREVER.

Life is improving between us. We have been seeking more guidance from God, attending church regularly and praying as a family. I do what I can to maintain a positive outlook and can't wait for the next opportunity to arise.

We're praying for a house in Sand Springs to become available. It's a HUD home and needs minimal repair, cleaning and a new coat of paint throughout. It's a bit larger than our current home and in a better neighborhood.

I've also became more focused on making a better living and seeking a career. I must find a 'home' where I have upward mobility. Although my current position is a bit lax and has benefits, it's not allowing us to live. We want more TOYS! God bless you all and thanks for the continued support, prayers and comments!

Life's pretty good at the moment. We're together but it's been difficult. She has spoken to him once in the past 2 months that I know of and it caused a big argument. It really bothers me that her mom has spoken to him quite often as well -- to check on her. I feel as though this is our last chance at rebuilding our marriage. If we didn't have the most beautiful son in the world, I would have probably walked away by now. I just don't want him to grow up in a broken family like I did. I can't say that I've given it 100% day in and day out but I continue to pray for the strength, encouragement, and focus to do whatever it takes! More later ... it's been so long.