What will tomorrow bring
Today was 'different.' I felt progress in the sense I can overcome everything before me. I felt progress in reaching her. I felt relief to smile. I feel like tomorrow will change more than I want or expect. Kolin is my world and I do not want to be without him. Even a 50/50 shared physical custody will be very trying. I do not want Kolin around him (Jeff)! He doesn't need another father, dad or any sort of male figure. He needs me. He will always be 'Da-e's boy.'
They continue to see each other. I continue to focus on tomorrow. We are at a 'war' that never should have happened. We're both at fault but she emotionally abandoned the relationship long before I -- I'm still here waiting for her return. I wish the best for her, hope she's beyond happy and more. There's so many emotions you go through when facing divorce. It's surreal almost. Sometimes I wish I would just wake up and realize it's been a really bad, long nightmare. I'm thankful just to get some sleep lately.
It's late and I can't sleep. Not unusual. There's so much I could be doing right now but I can't seem to focus on anything other than her. In less than a month, it will be our 7th year wedding anniversary -- I'm confident we will spend it apart. Sometimes I feel as though I would give anything to make her love me again, give me one more chance, give me the opportunity to show her.
I'm so ADD right now! So many things going through my head. We have drifted so far apart yet we still live in the same house, sleep in the same bed and occasionally, she'll allow me to give her a little kiss. Daily, I remind her I love her.
Good night all and God Bless!
posted by: Deanna (reply)
post date: 05.10.06 (11:48 am)
It seems to me that even though you guys are going through this rough "patch" in your life, that you are both trying be very civil through it all. I have seen a friend go through a divorce who did it in a very civil manner and they are still friends to this day. There was no harsh words said during the whole process and they both tried their best to accommodate each other. I think it is good to do it that way, especially for your son. I know it is hard to know what is happening between you two but also to be sharing the same bed. Be strong and continue to pray for God to help you through it all.
posted by: 1graham (reply)
post date: 05.11.06 (7:34 am)
I'm doing my best to be civil. I'm seeing a side of her that I've never before seen in my life. In an odd way, it helps put that distance between us. I still tell her I love her each and every day. I continue to pray for her and for us. Life is so surreal right now. I'm coping and doing my best.