tBlog - war against a loved one

war against a loved one

05.15.06 (12:02 am) [edit]

This weekend has been very hard. I've been without Kolin and Charlin, only a brief, daily conversation by phone. Both mean the world to me. It's interesting how quickly you can go through the various stages of grief. We have our court on Wednesday. We'll go before the court, watch a video regarding the process and our attorneys will seek a trial regarding the custody of our child. We have yet to come to an agreement. This is going to be a very difficult process for me. It's hard to 'fight' against the person you love so dearly. I still tell her I love her each and every day.

In most cases, the husband/father is the breadwinner and working to see that his family is provided for. Shamefully, she makes more money than I do. She has chosen an appropriate field and has continued to grow. I, on the other hand, have bounced around in various fields seeking happiness and money. I have yet to find either one.

We have both agreed to 50/50 physical custody of our son whereby both see him, make decisions regarding his care, upbringing, school, church, etc equally. So why no agreement yet? At 50/50, she will be required by law to pay me child support and pay a great amount of his care. She's extremely against having to pay me money. Had it been the other way around, I guarantee she would gladly accept child support. I feel as though she's determined to do whatever it takes NOT to pay me a dime. Even if it takes $10k in attorney fees and lieing on the stand, I feel she will continue to deny paying me anything. What's your thoughts? Honestly.

We have agreed upon a reasonable schedule to share him physically. We will not have to see one another as the transition will take place at daycare. I want to see her, even if it's for a moment. I'm not looking forward to this Wednesday. It's going to be difficult. My cousin's funeral will be held in the morning and court in the afternoon. I have to stay focused on the task at hand --- ensuring my rights as a father are met. I deserve equal everything at minimum. I've not made as much money as she has but I have provided far more love, care, attention and involvement regarding our son than she has. Ask any of her family members who is more involved in their son's life. If they were honest, I know they would say me. I'm thankful to have one of the best son's in the world. I wish Charlin and I had worked out. Can't turn back the time but I can focus on the future and what's best for us.

I still pray for God to intervene. I hope he's listening to my pleas for help. Lord knows I need it through these times. Good night world, it's late.

posted by: Deanna (reply)
post date: 05.16.06 (8:04 am)

Regarding the child support issue, it is so hard to be in that situation. I know when my husband and I were separating we were both trying to figure out what was best for the baby. I wanted full custody since I felt I was more dependable (i.e. my stay at my job versus his five jobs in five months) but he did not want to pay child support. He wanted split custody but did not think he should pay as well. I do know the judge usually does not full custody to one parent UNLESS the other parent is a total slacker and does nothing but drugs, drink, etc. The judge might give you 50/50 automatically but there is still one sole custody bearer who decides on the child's needs (i.e. healthcare, school, etc.)