Always on my mind

Why is the grieving process so difficult? You read about people who live in it for years, others who never complete the process and are bitter for the remainder of their life. Others will say "Look what they've done to you, MOVE on and NOW"

A few people know but during a conversation earlier this week, Charlin asked what I thought about putting the divorce 'on hold.' At first, I was overcome with a sense of joy but when she explained, it reminded me of her return in December. Then, I believe her motive was to improve her case in court regarding the custody of our son. She accomplished that task. But now what? Is she up to something again? She says she wants her family back which I believe is in the best interest of Kolin but she reminds me that she no longer loves me. If she could figure out how to get that back, she says her life would be complete again.

So my mind goes back and forth weighing all the possibilities and wondering what if. I cannot allow her to just walk back in. I've made it so far through the grief process and was in 'acceptance.' Am I going to replay all these emotions again, return to the initial stages of grief? I think I've already expressed to much of my emotions to her. Nothing that she doesn't already know but to share again.

She's been spending all of her time with Jeff, especially while Kolin and I are away on vacation. I wonder how their relationship is. I don't feel comfortable asking any of their 'friends' about the relationship. Too many questions and concerns about the past several months, about her motive, about what could be...

I continue to pray. Pray for happiness! I used to pray for God to restore our marriage. Lately, I've been focusing on the strength to move beyond these emotions for her. Have a great day.